"Ok guys, in order for us to be real FABulous we have to start on ourselves, right? Yess, we could all now have fabulous outfits, footwear, accessories.. fabulous hair & make-up.. and even talents and smarts.. BUT don't you think how we socialize and get-along with people around us important too? Right yess! and to do that best is to be COOL.. but how exactly is it to be cool hmm? Well i have found this very informative and effective article from wikiHow that could very well be a helpful guideline for one's well-being around others. Ok so now let's GET to this article in order to get started on being FABulous shall we!.." -Marishka
How to Be Cool
Have you always wanted to be the cool guy, who always seems to do the right thing? Or are you dying to be the cool girl, who flows through life with ease and grace? If you think about all the people who you think of as cool, you'll find that they have several characteristics in common: they're all confident, unique, and on friendly terms with everyone. There's no reason you can't be like that yourself. Everyone has their own definition of cool; there is really no true universal definition on how to be cool, but here are some guidelines to get you started.
Steps
1. We will always, on some level, be concerned with other's opinions of ourselves, but realize that ultimately, you will never be able to please everyone. Try hard, but don't be so concerned with judging yourself or being judged by others. People have millions of ways to get under your skin. Learn to spot them and become immune. Be happy with yourself and do what you enjoy.
2. Be aware of how others will perceive you. No two people think alike. This might seem to contradict the previous step, but there's a difference in letting people's judgments affect your self esteem, and being aware of how you come off to others. What you are really doing is being aware of how you look from another person's perspective. In terms of physical appearance: beware of food getting stuck in your teeth, bad breath, body odor, toilet paper stuck to your shoe, etc. In terms of composure: try not to stare too much (it makes people uncomfortable), stand/sit up straight (it makes you look and feel more confident), smile generously, be polite and considerate, etc. Definitely be aware of your body language at all times; analyzing body language can be a useful tool in knowing how to present yourself.
3. Present yourself in a positive way. Walk with good posture and look people in the eye. If you slump or stare at your feet, people won't respect you. You have to look and feel confident in order to receive the respect you need. Don't walk too fast either because it looks like you are running away.
4. Find real friends. For example, if people don't hang out with you because you don't wear designer clothes, they are not real friends. Instead, find friends that see you for who you are. If the people standing in front of you can't see you for you, then how can they be your friend?
5. Don't be afraid to be different, whether that means standing up for yourself, defending someone else, or taking interest in something that no one else does, like playing an instrument. The coolest people are the ones who occasionally break against the tide and make people question the status quo. Insecure people will, at times, become jealous of you. These people will try to get to you, in an attempt to take the attention off of you and bestow it upon themselves. The important thing to remember is not to smile in weakness, just ignore them. Not as if you didn't hear your antagonist, but casually and conversationally disregard their remarks.
6. Speak up. Observe people who are "cool" they usually speak confidently and clearly, at a good pace. They don't chatter rapidly, pause, say uhh, umh..., or mumble. They say what they mean, and mean what they say. Be confident in your word and don't let anyone try to change it. If you state your opinion and people disagree, don't worry. You said what you felt and people will respect you for that, unless you say it knowing it will offend someone. However, make it count. Don't shout out your opinion just to be heard. Make sure it's relevant, and be ready to back it up soundly.
7. Learn how to laugh at yourself. Being cool doesn't mean being perfect, and being able to find humor in your moments of clumsiness and discomfort is the defining hallmark of being cool. People will not only respect you for it, but they'll like you for being human, just like them.
8. Write a list of all the goals you are aiming for. What essentially makes you cool is your identity. Try to find your talent -- sports, music, art, whatever. People will notice your passion and respect you for it. You can also learn new skills and meet new people by trying new things.
9. Take a deep breath. Being cool is all about being relaxed and comfortable in any circumstance. Don't lose your cool. If you feel yourself about to lose your temper, or burst into tears, or lose control in any way, take a deep breath and excuse yourself. Stay calm.Don't be disruptive, annoying, or have unpredictable mood changes. You are serene and steadfast in your coolness and it should show. That means not getting too caught up in anything, not even your cool self.
10. Be friendly, but not excessively eager. Everyone loves someone who is outgoing, but nobody likes someone who is overly excited. Many people find someone who is overeager to be annoying. Try not to force yourself on people. Smile and strike up a conversation, but make sure you know the line between friendly and obsessive.
11. Be a good conversationalist. Everyone loves someone who knows what to say at the right moment. Most of the time, it is much better to be sort of quiet and analyze the conversation, enjoying the humor of your friends. Then wait for the right moment to make a comment, usually to great result. However, if you come up into the middle of a quiet group of people, it is better to take a Tony Stark approach. Be playful! Joke around with them. Making fun of people is fine, but make sure that you know the limits on it and that the people you're around are the kind of people who know you're kidding.
12. Dress how you want. As long as your personality shines through, you can wear whatever you like. Guys have been known to get girlfriends even though they wear sweats all the time. Some of the dorkiest, "uncool" guys are known to get girlfriends because everyone has a different perception of cool. That is definitely an affirmation of coolness. Being cool despite wearing something people generally make fun of.
13. Refrain from using too many colloquialisms. This may make you appear as "fake" or unable to grasp your respected language. Speak normally, clearly and confidently (see #6) and if you feel it is necessary adopt a more formal register and use polysyllabic words. However do not go overboard as this may make you appear pretentious, this being just as bad as seeming fake. Finding the right balance in your speech is important to making you seem intelligent and somewhat sophisticated in the presence of your peers.
14. Keep your "cool". The very definition of cool is being calm, composed, under control, not excited, indifferent, and socially adept. Many times, cool people are those that don't get excited about things, that don't always have to talk, unless they have something cool to say. Learn how to deal with people. Don't get angry or frustrated. Being cool is natural. It's easy to do. Often times, the people who strive the hardest for coolness are sabotaging themselves by trying too hard. People like people that don't try, but are still successful. How does that work? One of the secrets of being cool is that, when one is just between trying and not trying at all, things just fall into place. Be confident.
15. Be yourself. Don't try to be like anyone else. Live life for who you are. Don't lose sight of yourself or your morals. Being cool isn't about changing who you are, its about being confident enough to let people see how awesome you really are.
16. Feel good about yourself. You may want to fit in and be cool at the moment, but later will you feel good about it? These are questions you need to ask yourself before making a decision. Just because you look cool, doesn't mean you will feel good later. You can still fit in and feel okay later on. I promise. Know that being cool doesn't necessarily mean you'll be with the "in" crowd. Everyone has their crowd, just make sure you like yours and you'll be fine.
17. Don't use bad behavior to get attention. There are many young people that take up smoking, drinking, bullying, and other bad habits. Why? Most often, this comes from negative reinforcement. After doing something bad, a person may be "rewarded" with attention. "I can't believe he did that!" people will say. It is easy to misinterpret attention as popularity, even if it's for doing something wrong. If you want to be cool, you need to know your limits. You should never substitute negative attention for really being cool. Most of the time, the people who have bragging competitions about law-breaking and bonging beer do not fit into the category of cool. If a group of people doesn't like you for who you are and the lifestyle you've chosen, move on.
18. Never argue. When you're cool, arguing is always canceled. You realize winning an argument is pointless. When you know you're right you just know it. You don't need to waste time, effort and energy by attempting to persuade someone who hasn't seen the things you have seen.
19. Use humor. Cool people always use humor and ease in any situation. They don`t get annoyed and angry, and no matter how many bad things happen to them they don't take it too harshly; they make jokes about it. They have excellent emotional awareness and they don`t let bad emotion affect them, they have awesome emotional control and understanding.
20. Look cool; it's a science. To look cool, non-phased by opinions, you have to not be stuck up visually but be right mentally. You have to be smart, but not a smartypants(making others feel bad about themselves), strong and quick but not scornful of those less skilled. When someone brags they lose coolness... don't brag. It's simple.
21. Don't do drugs. This is not the 60s anymore; doing drugs creates artificial coolness and it goes away when the drug wears out. Real cool people know how to be cool without the influence of drugs and alcohol.
22. Avoid smoking: It saturates your clothes and hair with odor and non-smokers will likely think you smell quite smoky, which is not especially cool.
23. Be yourself. It will be something that other people will look up to. You are unique, and you don't need to join a clique. Make your own friendships. Being cool is being yourself in an outgoing way, even if you are quiet but not sullen and passive/aggressive.
Tips
- Being vain to the extent of narcissism is not cool: but on the other hand, personal magnetism often uses humility and acceptance/agreement, appreciation, of mutual enthusiasm or joy over: a genre of music, a like belief (like a faith), self-denial and charismatic leadership.
- If being picked on is your worry, know and understand that showing yourself affected by it is precisely what separates the coolest from the others, and take this as a chance to actually be perceived as cool. Know that who you are in your core is not determined by others, especially if they don´t truly know you. Be happy with yourself as you are, since there is nothing really wrong with you in your core.
- Do something that everyone will remember. but don't do something that will embarrass you to get attention. Maybe it's some hilarious antic that you perform, or maybe you win the school football game. Whatever you do, don't get yourself in trouble!
- If you're naturally shy, learn how to overcome it or learn how to have a "cool" shy.It's very easy. The first step is to talk to people. At least say hello to everyone you know. The second step is to talk some more. And the third step? Keep talking. The more you chat with people, the more friends you will make. You may expect it to be hard talking to people, so just start off easy. Everyone has one good friend. Talk to your friend's friends. If your friend is a real friend, then those people will most likely be nice, too. If you're a real friend to him/her, then your friend's friends will like you, too. You'll gradually start to become popular.
- Don't just wait for someone to ask you to hang out. They're waiting for you. Invite them over. And be prepared. Don't have them come over and you can't find anything to do. It's a real turn off for your friend, and they won't want to come back again.
- Find a way to love learning. The coolest people do a lot of really cool things. There is an old system that says the more you practice the easier something is to do. When you can learn something really well it's easier to be cool at it.
- GET OUT THERE. Do stuff. Play a sport. Get in a club. Do something. The more you get out there instead of hanging around at home, the more you can socialize with people, and have fun.
- Learn to read people and be patient when sharing an opinion. Understand that whatever you say to someone or give advice, that is just your opinion. They either accept it or reject it, there's no need to force them to understand. Just make sure you know what you're talking about.
- Change your attitude--if you have a negative attitude change it. Cool people always have a positive attitude. No one likes a negative person. When people get to know you and see that you always have a positive look on things even when things are not going your way, they will enjoy your company.
- If any bad thing happens in your life, don't keep thinking about it forever. Get over it. It's not the end of the world. Sooner or later, everyone else will forget about it, too. Dwelling on bad thoughts will only make you seem less attractive and less happy.
- To be cool is to make a kind of "margin principle", that is to create a space of freedom, a kind of knowledge pad that you will use in case you feel that your chances are equal to the others', this peace bank/shore contains remarkable knowledge and precision information on the kind of behaviour that you will be adapting to a special situation. That knowledge will make you remarkable but cool since the knowledge area you need to get information in was ready (to be used in you life)... but this requires very tough work, struggling with you time, your mind and especially your environment. Be ready for any scenario, or create the scenario you want by applying knowledge, the behaviour and the information of the environment you are in.
Warnings
- Don't try to bribe people into doing things for you, even if they accept it. Other people will think you can't take care of yourself.
- Some people are not the people that would be a good influence on you. You can "be cool" without being a part of the most popular group.
- Don't base your coolness on making others seem uncool. You'll make more enemies than friends that way. People aren't going to worship someone who bosses or beats them around all the time. They'll be scared maybe, but they won't respect you.
- Never use your coolness to put people down, even if everyone else is doing it.Always remember, With great power comes great responsibility!
- Always stick up for people, and don't bully others, because to be cool, means to be liked by everyone, including those who are not as socially high-ranking as yourself.
- Don't try to portray your life as an actor, an impression, a model of others' styles, such as a stereotype. Act the way you want to and listen to the music you want to. Dress the way you want to. Being cool is being you. Find out who you are, and then be true to it. That's cool.
- Do not belittle others to make yourself feel stronger.
